Review of Dumped: Stories of Women Unfriending Women

The book is set to release on March 3rd. To say that I’m excited is an understatement. It finally hit me the other day that OMG - I’m published. Something that I had always dreamed of, but never put much thought into. I write mainly for the “release” that it gives me. I’ve kept a diary or in big girl words - have journaled since I was in second grade. I still have all of those journals. Some silly stuff in there, but there are also the journals and notebooks that I have kept over the past two years during the Steubenville “saga” (for lack of a better term). I pulled them out the other day and read some of the entries - which were like pouring salt in a wound at times. I kept my blogging mainly to discussion about the case and haven’t really talked much about the emotional things I was going through during that time. It was bad…really bad at times. Having your ass kicked online by faceless strangers on a daily basis, and having your friends and family targeted because you decided to write about a rape case was very tough at times. My best friend, Michelle, literally talked me off the ledge numerous times. I don’t like to admit when I feel weak or vulnerable and that made this experience even more challenging because in my mind I was supposed to portray that “I am woman - I am strong” facade at all times, and in doing so it came at a great cost to my health and at times, my emotional well-being. Even writing that and reading those words makes me feel squeamish, but there were times that I was NOT strong and I was NOT okay. This experience really came with a long lasting price.

The Steubenville case does not define who I am. I was me long before I wrote about the case, but my experiences while living in Steubenville gave me knowledge of the culture there so that I was able to communicate it to those who had never been there or lived there. That knowledge brought with it a lot of hate tossed my way. Those who I used to be friends with were angered that their town was getting international attention and they blamed me for bringing the negative attention rather than acknowledging the real issue: attention was brought to Steubenville when I and 25 John Doe commenters from this blog were sued for defamation. Attention was brought when the crime was advertised on social media.

I lost friends which hurt, but I also gained new friends and supporters, so I suppose in the end it all evens out. I was invited to contribute an essay to Nina Gaby’s book Dumped: Stories of Women Unfriending Women, and I wrote about my former best friend “Kathy”. To this day, her betrayal still stings but I have moved on and chalked it up as one of life’s lessons. I truly believe that everything in life happens for a reason. It might hurt or be uncomfortable at times, but in the end there is a reason or a greater purpose for that lesson. I treasure the memories I had with my former best friend, and wish her no ill will and have forgiven her long ago, but I can never forget. Her actions to this day cause me great pain…but life goes on, right? I haven’t stopped being me and if anything has been learned from this part of the journey in my life it is to look back with no regrets and to move forward with hope and promise of better days to come.

I hope you all will enjoy the book. It is getting fantastic reviews and I am beyond excited about the day when I can actually hold this anthology in my hands. My story is one of 25 and the others are equally as intriguing and important. I hope that everyone takes something positive away from each story and that we learn from these collective experiences about being “dumped”.

Here is a review from Elisa Batista of momsrising.com:

At the start, I was appalled by some of the women’s stories. Let’s clarify: these women weren’t dumped. They were bullied. A couple of the women were isolated in high school and required therapy as adults. In perhaps the most chilling account, the whistle blower of the Steubenville, Ohio high school rape by star football players was publicly betrayed by her childhood best “friend” Kathy. Kathy publicly published the author’s secrets and home address on Twitter, and in cult-like fashion, had others bully her supporters.

“How do you recover from this type of betrayal? Most people would say you can’t. But I have. I feel sorry for Kathy that she chose to jump on that passing wagon, using my trust in her as a means to validate her existence with the other haters. I never lashed out at her publicly. I never broke her confidence. Instead, I sat by and watched as she attempted to destroy anyone that I cared about just to get back at me for speaking my mind and pointing out an injustice, and speaking the truth about our town.” –Alexandria Goddard, “Breaking Omertá”

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